Bitter Harpies, Hang Overs and Slutty Wedding Sex
by Forever in Your Heart
Summary: A wedding, tons of alcohol and an angry Jacob led to some interesting consequences. Then with a killer hang over, Leah may just kill him or give him a replay. Jacob/Leah


**The Bitter Harpy Just Said She Wanted To Have Slutty Wedding Sex With Me. RUN!**

I shuffled my feet and tugged and my way too tight bowtie. It was ridiculously hot and I was melting in this stupid tuxedo. I was bored out of my mind and I was sure my brain was slowly dying.

I could see poor Collin dancing with some seriously pervy 80-something year old lady. She was clutching him tightly and stuffing his face into her chest. He was struggling and trying to escape but she kept him in her iron grip. I watched as she slid her hand down his back and gave his butt a good firm squeeze. I shuddered. Creepy old lady.

Sam and Emily were swirling around the dance floor looking like professionals and everyone was glaring enviously. Kim was feeding Jared cake like he was a two year old and Paul was molesting my sister. I growled. Couldn't he keep his filthy hands to himself? I started over in their direction to punch Paul in the face and to tell him that my sister wasn't his personal groping property when Embry grabbed my arm.

"Hey Jake. Maybe you should go get a snack or a drink. Or anything over here. Come on." He towed me in the opposite direction of that greasy pig. He ordered me a drink and left me in Brady's charge. I downed it in one go and reached for another. Brady was staring morosely into his Shirley Temple. I was on my fifth drink when Brady let out a sigh and flopped depressedly onto a stool.

I decided I was going to need a hell of a lot more drinks if I was going to deal with Brady's PMS. I could see Quil twirling Claire in his arms. The little girl was squealing delightedly. Collin suddenly popped out of nowhere and caused Brady to pour his drink all over himself.

"Hey." Collin said looking around nervously. Quite suddenly he dived behind Brady.

"Quick! Hide me! She's coming!" I rolled my eyes and left them to deal with the pedophile. I made my way across the room when my eyes landed on Leah. She was sitting alone at a table with a bottle of Champagne in her hand and a pissed off expression on her face. I chugged the rest of my drink before heading over to her.

She took a large swig out of the bottle as I approached. I leaned over and whispered in her ear.

"You in the mood for some slutty wedding sex?"

"Sure." I backed away, my eyes almost popping out of my head.

"I was joking." I said, hoping to God she had been too. She looked me directly in the eye.

"I wasn't." With that she downed the last of the bottle and grabbed a wine bottle off some waiter's tray. I almost passed out. Did she really just say she wanted to have slutty wedding sex with me? This can't be real.

Feeling the need for some hard liquor I grabbed an abandoned shot nearby. It wasn't enough so I made my way to the bar and snuck a bottle of vodka. I slumped in a chair and began chucking it back.

"Jacob you shouldn't be having so much to drink. It isn't healthy and you're underage." Rachel said disapprovingly. Paul had his arm around her waist and was grinning smugly. Biting back a retort and resisting the urge to deck Paul, I got up and went looking for Leah.

I found her with some scotch near the bathroom.

"Your offer still stand?" I slurred at her drunkenly. Her hand grabbed my shirt and threw me into the bathroom. She locked the door and started pulling off her dress. I finished the bottle and practically ripped my jacket off.

* * *

My head was pounding so hard it felt like there was a heavy metal concert going on inside. I felt so completely sick. I felt so bad that I just wanted to die. Why had I ever thought that much alcohol was a good idea?

Rachel was over taking care of me and lecturing me about my inappropriate behavior. That was definitely not helping. What was also not helping was the fact that I kept having random blurry flashes of last night's escapades with Leah.

That was definitely a bad idea. I was so totally screwed. How had I thought that would be a good idea?

I mean had I honestly thought that having random sex with Leah would benefit me in any way? I would love to blame the copious amount of alcohol I had consumed but I knew I was probably slightly at blame. Damn it my head hurts.

The shrill ringing of the phone made me clutch my head in agony. Rachel popped her head in a moment later telling me Leah wanted to see me.

How the hell wasn't she hung over? She had definitely had more to drink. And what did she want anyway? Was she calling me over to castrate me for taking advantage of her or something? Because even though I was sloshed out of mind it would be so Leah to try and blame me. Ugh I really don't like girls.

* * *

My head was still thumping but I decided it was better to get Leah out of the way. I was dragging my feet through the dirt and I felt extremely groggy.

I knocked softly on the door for fear of disturbing my head. The door swung open to reveal a very scantily clad Leah.

Even in my post-yet-still-kinda-hung-over state, my eyes were still bugging out of my head. She reached forward and yanked me inside. She slammed the door and crushed her lips on mine. I felt like I was burning. I was beyond comprehendible thought as she began towing me upstairs.

My hands seemed to be moving of their own accord as they trailed all over her and began tearing off clothing. We fell with a crash onto her bed.

* * *

I was still panting heavily as sweat dripped down my face. Leah was sleeping sprawled out and tangled in the sheets. My heart was thudding in my chest and I couldn't stop staring at her.

Now that I wasn't completely drunk I could remember ever detail of what we had just done. And I could definitely say I wanted a replay. But as my eyes roved over inch of her there was a strange feeling swirling in my stomach.

I vaguely recalled something of this sort for Bella and yet this was so much more, well I couldn't really describe it. Maybe it was the fact that me and Leah had started with the physical stuff and me and Bella had barely even started.

I wanted to kiss her and hold her and parade her around and say that she was mine. I wanted to laugh at all the other guys because they were missing out.

She was a goddess. It was silly how I had never noticed how breathtakingly beautiful she was. I ran a finger down her back. The skin was surprisingly smooth.

I'm not sure why but I had a new appreciation for Leah. She was beautiful, strong, witty and intelligent. And yes she was often bitter but I know that there is a wonderful person on the inside. Sam may have buried her but I'm determined to get her back. And to keep her.

I pulled her into my arms and snuggled down on the bed. I breathed in her scent and drifted off into dreams in which Leah and I were blissfully happy. Just like I was now.


End file.
